Alms for the Freakish? (A.K.A. Project Bilja)
Hallo! I am harmonically good refugee from... oh, let's say somewhere where we're all cute! Indeed, no?
Even with the face hairys! Isn't it?
I am skillfulness with the mouth-harp, which is so nicer than the accordion, as it nicely fits into my pocket.
..Or yours, if I barnacle myself unto you, for you promised me the King of Burgers, no? Because Bilja does not let go of the good deals, and today the good deals are the Whopper, the Fried Potato Fingerlets, and a Shake of The Chocolate Kind!!
...You are saying you don't remember this original agreement for to leave you alone and- how you say- to halt with the song that makes the children run with ears covered, and also to make the animals pee in protest? This is impossible! Like barnacle, I remain a part of you until I am rewarded for my fine harmonicing. Don't wince... Bilja has strong thighs and hands with suction-like action! Almost like Kermit-Frog! Yes! I am strong!
I will sing you songs of life on the Provost canal, where Bilja gave one half of leg for pork-rinds.
And also Bilja gave other rest of leg for bottle of water for to wash down the dried piggy treats.
Trust me, salty canal is no good for the drinking. In end, Bilja misses being almost 2 metres in height, but the riboflavin was much necessary.
So, my friend! Where is this King of which you are saying? We shall seek it together! And while we are seeking this fine place, I will perform for you my post-modernish harmonica piece, which I am happily to call "The Troll I Am That Off Your Back Will Not Happen"!
posted by Lorelei at 2:59 PM
3 Comments:
Muh-huh-huh. You haf beink make Boris and Natsha laffink da?
You want we continue to leff no? DA!
Tell us diminutive gypsy-nails-beink-on-chalkboard vit da singink and da blowink of de mouth-harp.
Ver are beink Moose and Squirrel!
You do vant Boris to continue havink laughink good time no?Tell us , vere iss beink de microfilm?
That is pretty funny Lor...er...Bilja. Almost makes me want to buy you through the mail-order catalog that came yesterday. 2 packs of Lucky Strike, a Toblerone and 300 of your American dollars and that would seal the deal no? We'll put you to work with my other "wives" making sweaters and ammo clips at the factory, your new home, at least 17 hours of the day.
(in Transylvanian accent) Listen! De children of the night, they make such beautiful music.
Oh, sweet foreigner Karl... my heart chambers gush with joy at the offer made unto my humble self, but, alas... Bilja works for no one. Bilja trains ferrets for to shake the lunch monies from the little ones, so Bilja gets by okey-dokey.
Ferrets also fun for to sling over ceiling fan blades at local saloon: fans are off, ferreties slung over blades, and fans is then turned on. Ferrets goes WHEEEEE! and flying off in all directions and landing in Boro's Vodka! Oh, fun good times!!
Ah, it dose my heart good to hear such stories. It reminds me of one time ven I vas in Stolichnaya, a small city outside of Kutyourcockoff. I befriended leetle girl who vas selling de matches. Vee be trading her to circus, for act vith monkey. Circus gives Boris de oil drum full of de beets, and of course de obligatory microfilm.
Boris in turn trades beets, and pelt of ferret for date vit first female cosmonaut, who ees pressure sealed for preservation, just like is beink the Tang and de San Francisco treat. Boris adds vater, and of course generous portion of Wodka, and vee haf real svingin' time, listening to the rock and the roll performed by band Autograph, and slow dance to Big country. Eet is grand day until someone sits on lead singer from Scorpions, make him smaller than Bilja.
Then of course Glasnost brake out, fun is over for most of proletariate, and bougeois crumbles, as noone can spell bougeois.
(sigh)
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